Violent Delights
by PinkLemonade1886
Summary: 'These Violent Delights have Violent Ends.' In the wake of her increasingly toxic relationship with the apostate Anders, Juliet Hawke finds comfort in the most unlikely of places and comes to realize that her greatest delight will result in the greatest tragedy to happen to Kirkwall.
1. Chapter 1

They laid close together, staring into each other's eyes as if the world around them ceased to exist. The silence of the darkened room was peaceful without any sound to shatter their fantasy of pretending to live in such an idyllic world where they would be able to face each other in the light of day without shame. The softness in her touch when she caressed her lover's cheek was contradicted by the battle scars that decorated her complexion. Much like how hands as calloused as his could be able to treat her so kindly when they were drenched in the blood of the mages of Kirkwall.

He returned her tender touch by gently grasping her hand and bringing it across his cheek, savoring the feeling of her skin on his own and placing of loving kiss on her palm. One of the many small ways he communicated his emotions without having to bear the torture of articulating them. Often, the couple would find themselves at a loss for words when alone. Whatever needed to be said between them could be felt in their touch. When they embraced he held strongly to her as if he understood that he would lose himself if he were to lose her. Her smile was rarely seen nowadays but when she smiled it was always for him; bright and warm, it radiated with the blissful joy that many thought she had lost ages ago.

"Mistress Hawke?" a voice, quiet and nervous, brought the couple back into their reality, "It's time,"

"Give us a minute," she replied, unable to tear her eyes away from her lover. Her maid lowered her head and crept away from the dark room.

"I have to leave now," he whispered to her with the same sad expression he wore every time they heard those dreaded words.

"Just a little longer…," she begged him.

"No," he shook his head before sitting up and rubbing his tired face with his hands, "If I stay here any longer I won't be able to tear myself away. We have-"

"Responsibilities to ourselves and to our duties," she finished his sentence while turning over on her side to watch him dress, "You've already said that, Cullen"

A smile crossed his exhausted face as he pulled his trousers up, staring into the dim coals with his back turned to Hawke to hide the longing in his amber eyes.

"Then I'll spare you the lecture this time, Juliet,"

"No, please! Continue!" she chuckled while propping herself up on her elbows, "I enjoy listening to talk. Especially about responsibilities and duties,"

"Perhaps another time then," there was a light in him that caused the darkness that shrouded her heart to lift for only a moment. The serenity between them felt almost as addicting as the punishment they unknowingly subjected themselves to each time they fell into each other's affections.

Cullen could feel her eyes on him. When they first met he couldn't stand the way she stared at him. The prejudice that he spewed at her was reflected in the way she defied him in her frosty glare but now she can only look at him with the warmth that reminded him of the summers he thought long gone from his childhood. She soothed the anger inside him in a way that he never thought possible. Through her kind caresses and the very magic that once sickened him. To an outsider looking in, it's easy to assume that the foundation for the relationship would purely be pleasures of the flesh but since beginning their affair, passionate nights became replaced by peaceful nights. Where they sit in the low glow of the fireplace, pretending to be something they knew they could never be; a family. There was no greater pleasure for the couple than watching Juliet's enchanted hands work their way across his clothes, mending them with the content smile of a wife while she listened to him speak about his day with the mannerisms of tired husband who's grateful to be home.

He pulled his cotton shirt over his head but paused before he could put his arms through the sleeves when he felt Juliet's arm snake around his torso in one last loving embrace.

"Be careful when you leave," she laid a lingering kiss at the base of his neck and another behind his ear, "I can't have you getting caught. I don't know what I'd do without you anymore,"

"I feel like I'm the one who should be telling you to be careful," there was bitterness laced in the tone of his voice, "If _he_ hurts you...I can't make any promises that I'll let him leave the city alive," a weight fell to the pit of her stomach at the very mention of the abomination that she naively tied herself to when she first arrived into the city. She glanced over to the empty side of the bed. Red sheets wrinkled and thrown the side with the Cullen's scent barely noticeable, would soon be filled by the walking husk of what use to be Anders. The very thought of him caused a twinge of guilt to spread through Juliet before she returned her attention to Cullen.

"Let's not think about that. Let's just be happy to have tonight," Whatever peace Cullen might have found that night became replaced with a frightened anger as he peeled himself away from Juliet to finish dressing.

Their bittersweet goodbye was sealed with a quick kiss that lacked the passion of two lovers but rather had the comfort of a committed couple. Juliet wore a wistful smile as she watched Cullen leave her room in the clothes of a commoner to obscure his identity enough to not alert the other nobles of Hightown.

 _Juliet Hawke,_ she thought to herself as she ran her fingers through her yellow hair, _Juliet Rutherford..._

The idea of forsaking the Hawke name had become increasingly attractive since her arrival into Kirkwall. A name she once wore with pride now felt like a burden so heavy it suffocated her each time it was spoken. Hawke, the apostate. Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall. Hawke, the defender of mages. Each year she became more disconnected from her image that soon enough she found herself isolated from the world around her. _Hawke_ was an idol that was revered by the city. _Juliet_ was an afterthought to many and a stranger to most.

Her maid came in a few moments later with the same look of hidden disappointment that Juliet learned to ignore. Her maid was loyal and devoted, forever grateful that her mistress gave her a job after her escape from Hadriana but that loyalty did not free Juliet from her judgement.

"Here, Mistress. Allow me," she said while taking the sheets from Juliet's hands.

"Thank you, Orana. I appreciate you helping me," she thanked her maid with a smile that covered her shame. Orana rolled the bed sheets into a ball and turned her back to Juliet, ready to leave but a thought dawned on her that she couldn't help but to ask.

"Mistress Hawke," she turned her head to face Juliet in hopes of seeing some honesty in her mistress for once, "If you love the Knight-Captain why do you stay with Ser Anders?"

"Because….," the very thought of him caused her eyes to become filled with a fear that many could never imagine the Champion of Kirkwall ever having. She seemed more like a child awaiting punishment for her wrongdoings than the paragon of unflinching goodness that many thought she was, "I wish I knew…,"

By morning, all evidence of Cullen was erased from the estate. From the newly laid out sheets to the warm morning bath that washed his scent from her body. She sat in the warm water with ivory lily petals floating on its surface, accompanied by the shaky breaths of a woman whose only wish was to lay under the water and watch the petals fade her from her view.


	2. Chapter 2

The very thought of her touch sent his heart speeding in excitement that he may indulge in his desires once again despite his better judgement. Brilliant green eyes that once haunted his nightmares now quieted the memories that clawed at his back almost every night. The more he pictured a future with the Champion, even if it was only a passing fantasy, the more distant he felt his past becoming.

Cullen stared into the ceiling with tired eyes slowly blinking as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. He was no stranger to the nightmares that have plagued him since his transfer from the Ferelden Circle of Magi but since he found solace in Juliet's company he soon became accustomed to having her there to soothe him and comfort him in ways that no woman before had. Spending nights without her protection only served to remind him what a blessing her magic could be sometimes.

The morning sun peeked through the thick curtains that covered his windows in small rays that lit his room. He felt unmoveable in his bed, lacking any energy to move on account of his insomnia and his waning faith in the Templar Order. The naivety of his youth was crushed, leaving his shattered mind to put the pieces back together but for all his faith in the Maker he was not the man he use to be. There was nothing left in him but the comfort that there was someone who understood his plight enough to restore some his lost strength. Reluctantly, he forced himself out of bed.

Often times, his apartment felt eerily quiet. Not a sound to make his home feel alive or warm. Only the quiet rustle of his armor as he dressed gave any indication that someone resided there. He was careful to avoid facing himself in the single nearby mirror. He wasn't a man known for his weaknesses but the truth of the matter was that his determination to see only what he wanted weighed on his soul more heavily than any sin or broken vow ever could. If were to face himself in the mirror he'd be facing the reflection of a man he didn't recognize and one he he has become ashamed of.

His morning routine was conducted without fault. The mages were released from their rooms and accounted for, each tired face maintaining a stoic facade to hide their fear of their of the templars that stared down at them with eyes that radiated the hatred they had become infamous for. Afterwards, the mages were ushered into the dining hall for their morning meal before being released to the courtyard to begin their morning exercises, presided over the senior mages.

After scanning the courtyard for any suspicious activity as the Knight-Commander instructs him to do on an almost daily basis, he negated his responsibilities to the senior mages and took his leave to the safety of his office. Many people would find having to read and write endless amounts of paperwork to be tedious but there was a security in it that Cullen grew to take comfort in. It was predictable, simple and provided an escape from the outside world.

But his escape soon enough came to an end when he mindlessly reached over, believing he was taking just another form to be filled when he saw an image of the woman that stirred a rage in him so fierce he felt he still could not find the strength in him to quiet. Her eyes were painted a brilliant green that embodied her selfishness and greed. To add insult to injury, she sat proudly in a deep purple gown with golden stitching that matched the glittering amethyst headpiece she wore atop her raven hair that served as a pseudo crown to announce to the readers that she was their queen.

 _Evil bitch_ , was the only thought that came to Cullen's mind as he read the headline of the newspaper, "KING ALISTAIR AND LADY AMELL HAVE THIRD CHILD." It was only then did Cullen notice the infant in her lap wearing a pure white lace dress, becoming part of the background compared to his ostentatious mother.

"Keran!" Cullen bellowed, knowing that the recruit would be near his office. Since allowing him to stay in the order on Juliet's request, he's made every effort to keep Keran within arm's distance. Even going as far as to have him polish the armor and weapons each morning to avoid having him the courtyard with the mages.

The recruit rushed to the Knight-Captain's office, practically out of breath and fear in his murky blue eyes.

"Y-Yes, sir? You called?" Keran panted while still making sure to salute his better.

"Dispose of his nonsense and tell that tranquil, Elsa that I don't want any more newspapers arriving at my office," Cullen ordered with his hand stretched out for Keran to take the paper.

"Right away-" as soon as Keran took the paper he was quick to read the headline, "The King of Ferelden has a third child? This is news,"

"Unimportant news," Cullen grumbled.

"I wouldn't say that. The King of Ferelden has three children with his mage mistress? The scandal!" he tried to joke but as soon as he saw the anger in Cullen's glare he cleared his throat and excused himself to follow through with his orders.

 _I should have told everyone about us_ , Cullen regretted, _You vile woman…_

He found it difficult to return to his duties after that. For so long, he ignored the Warden's presence. Treating her only as if she were a past heartbreak but after seeing her face after so many years he couldn't deny that the wound she left still felt as fresh as it did on the night she mercilessly tore into his heart.

" _The Amells are a noble family. So tell me why should nobility settle for some backwoods farm boy when the future King of Ferelden is offering me the world?"_ he recalled her asking him with a grin while he stood before her like a fool, crying his eyes out and putting all his emotions on display for her to mock, " _If you tell anyone about us, I'll bury you. You and the whole Rutherford clan will be wiped from the face of Thedas. Because if it turns out that I don't get what I want then you can be certain that I will take revenge on the ones who got in my way,"_

Without even realizing it, Cullen threw his fist forward into the stone wall of his office, releasing the bottled hatred that had been dormant since his transfer to Kirkwall. The dull pain in his hand brought him back to reality. He rubbed his hand with his head held low in embarrassment. It was difficult to stomach the reality that she continued to have such a strong grasp on him but he couldn't deny the relief that overcame him after having attempted to punch through the wall.

* * *

The Hawke Estate felt hollow. Whatever warmth that might have resided in the home was washed away by the cold interactions of the couple that inhabited it. Anders sat across the room and watched his love dress with suspicion. Locks of golden hair cascaded down her back while she shifted through her wardrobe, looking for a dress that she thought would be appropriate for her appointment.

"What appointment do you have that requires you to dress up?" Anders spoke up, his voice sounding harsher than he intended.

"I told you. The King of Ferelden sent a letter saying he wishes to meet me. I thought it'd be a good idea to dress for the occasion," Juliet kept her back turned to him in her own quiet form of defiance. Having learned from their first year living together, she resigned herself to letting Anders feel in control of their relationship rather than start another fight that would inevitably escalate to Justice silencing her. Desperately wanting to change the subject to avoid an interrogation, she took a silk forest green dress from her wardrobe and turned to Anders, "What about this dress? It's a new one that Merrill suggested-,"

"Merrill? You've spoken with Merrill lately?" the flash of anger in his eyes caused Juliet's blood to run cold.

"About dresses, yes. Isabela wanted to take Merrill and I that hat shop she's always going on about. We passed by a dressmaker and Merrill said that the dress in the display would look good on me. What's the problem?"

"I've already told you the problem with Merrill and being with her," Anders stood up from his seat and stormed to Juliet, making her accidentally let the dress fall to the floor and take a few steps back to distance herself from the apostate, "Her ignorance will bring the Templars down on us,"

"You think the Templars are going to arrest me for buying a dress that she suggested?" Juliet chuckled in an effort to cover how undone she was becoming with each passing second she stood under his intimidating gaze, "You're just tired and not thinking clearly. Maybe you-,"

"You're the one who isn't thinking clearly, Juliet!" Anders shouted, watching her flinch and tightly shut her eyes to collect herself. She exhaled a deep breath and brought her trembling hands to his chest, smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt with a forced smile.

"You're right. I'm not thinking clearly," she conceded, "I'll be more careful about going out with Merrill. No need to be so upset. How can I make it up to you?"

"Don't bother. I know you'll just disobey me anyway," he pushed her hands away in indignation that she would have the audacity to go against his wishes, "I do this for your benefit as well as mine and you don't even realize it,"

"I said I'm sorry…," her emerald eyes became red from the tears she tried to desperately hold back, "I don't know what else I can do,"

Anders' expression softened to seem more affectionate towards her. He raised his hands to cup her cheeks and bring her close to him, resting his forehead on hers in the same manner he used when she needed comforting.

"You can listen to me, love," he whispered to her before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. He waited for what felt like an eternity for her to reciprocate his affections as she use to but instead, she kept her eyes fixated on the floor.

Juliet couldn't find the strength to lift her head until she heard their bedroom door shut, leaving her alone with nothing but the lingering feelings of uneasiness that seemed to be rooted in their relationship. She waited until she could no longer hear Anders' footsteps echo through the estate to finally pick up the dress that caused them to fight.

 _No green dress,_ she thought to herself as she placed it back in her wardrobe, _Shame though. I really liked that dress..._


	3. Chapter 3

Juliet sat her vanity, staring into her own reflection with the tired eyes of a woman who felt drained of any life in her. The peaceful quiet between her and Orana was welcomed but the silence felt unsettling as Anders' presence continued to linger in her room. His words saturated the room's atmosphere with the misery that Juliet privately stewed in. There was no room in the estate that didn't feel tainted by the loss and loneliness of its inhabitants.

Orana styled Juliet's hair in a similar fashion to majority of the ladies in Hightown. A high bun that was pulled back tightly, decorated by a string of pearls that sat at the crown of her head. She had a keen understanding of Mistress' considerably plain preferences when it came to fashion so it came to no surprise when she was ordered to help Juliet into a modest dark grey gown that did little to flatter her pretty features.

"Would you mind going into my mother's room and fetching me her jewelry box? Please," Juliet kindly asked Orana with a soft smile.

"Of course, Mistress," after Orana exited the room there was a moment of quiet. Juliet raised a hand to feel the cool touch of the mirror against her fingertips, unable to recognize who was staring back at her. Malcolm Hawke's sweet little girl had deteriorated into the very woman she knew he would be ashamed of. A liar and a traitor.

Orana's return was left unnoticed until Juliet saw her come into the mirror's reflection, causing her let out a soft sigh and turn around to retrieve the silver jewelry box. The contents of the box was filled with jewels of every kind that served as proof of Leandra Hawke's upbringing but the layer of dust sitting on top of them reminded Juliet of how long they've been left untouched.

"Allow me," Orana took a pair of pearl droplet earrings from the box and wiped them clean on her apron, "You look exactly like your mother. You have her eyes,"

"My father use to say that. He called them the Amell eyes,"

"Well. They're very pretty eyes if I do say so myself!" Juliet smiled at Orana's compliment, not entirely seeing what was so pretty about them but accepting her compliment nonetheless. With the finishing touches being her matching pearl earrings and necklace completing her considerably plain outfit, she made stood up and faced her doorway with an expression that spoke volumes to the anxiety she could never seem to calm.

"Are you ready, Mistress?" Orana placed a hand on the small of her back, comforting her the way she might comfort a scared child. Juliet lowered her head and took in a deep breath.

"Ready as I'll ever be,"

The disappointing reality of the Champion of Kirkwall was never more obvious than in how she chose to present herself to the King of Ferelden. She lacked such presence that the only reason any of the nobles in Kirkwall paid her the slightest bit of attention was because of the golden throne she sat on. However, that didn't mean they were above laughing at her modest fashion and rather unrefined country manners behind her back. They watched her make her way down the cobbled streets with her head held high in artificial confidence, finding it amusing that she considered herself one of them. When she entered the Viscount Keep she hoped to find a crowd of eager Fereldens waiting for their King but instead was met with an almost vacant building, save for the few nobles who had managed to worm their way before the Knight-Commander's arrival cleared the building of any fearful onlookers.

"Let me guess. That's your final answer?" Juliet studied the features of the King's face. Wrinkles barely peeking out the corner of his eyes and laugh lines around his lips that reminded her of her own father. She saw a playfulness in his eyes that made her speechless at how gracefully he was able to handle the Knight-Commander.

"You declare your Circle of Magi free. As if it were your right to do so! And thus stir up every mage outside your kingdom!" the Knight-Commander's icy blue eyes glanced in Juliet's direction, becoming inflamed with the underlying hatred she bore for the single untouchable mage in the city, "What other answer did you expect, your majesty?"

"A 'maybe' might have been nice," the King mockingly pouted causing a small chuckle to escape from Juliet.

"I do not deal in 'maybes.' I deal in cold, hard facts-as should you. Perhaps when Ferelden next chooses a king, it will be one that takes his duty to the Maker seriously," The Knight-Commander brushed past Juliet, making sure that they locked eyes as her own silent warning that she was watching the Champion's every move.

"Well, that was awkward," the King looked to his advisor with a small smirk.

"How do you do, your majesty?" Juliet dropped into a low curtsey out of respect for her monarch.

"I've been better," the King lowered himself to her level, taking her considerably smaller hands in his and raising her so casually that she wouldn't have taken him for a royal if she hadn't known better, "Manlier too, come to think of it," She was thankful that she decided to come to his meeting alone because if any of her companions saw the silly grin on her face they would tease her relentlessly.

"This is the Champion of Kirkwall," his advisor cut in, attempting to smooth over his King's ill manners.

"Right! I'm Alistair, uh...King of Ferelden. And this is Teagan. My uncle, sort of,"

"I'm actually Teagan. I'm only sort of his Uncle," there was a sharpness in his tone as if he was trying to tell Alistair to compose himself in front of the Champion.

"I was hoping we could talk," Juliet glanced down at the arm he offered her before taking it with a pink tint across her cheeks, "Would've been better timing before being emasculated by Meredith but I'm not picky,"

"I'm surprised you would even know who I am," the pair turned to walk up the marble staircase looking as if they were already close friends and Juliet lifting an eyebrow at her critics witnessing this display. The smile that crept across her face showed how she reveled in this small victory.

"Come. Let's continue this discussion elsewhere,"

Teagan followed the Champion and the King to the gardens, eyeing the Champion with the same suspicion that he wished he had for the Hero of Ferelden before she found her way into the King's bed and cemented her place in the Ferelden court. He saw stark differences between the cousins. Not just in the way they dress but in their mannerisms. There was a humility in Juliet that the Hero of Ferelden severely lacked and she had a certain...melancholy that would have evoked sympathy from Tegan had it not been for her family affiliation.

"As I was saying, I know you came here from Lothering. A Ferelden refugee that did well for herself against all odds. I have to admit, I was hoping your influence in Kirkwall would be of use,"

"What use is that?"

"Things...haven't been going well with Orlais. Without a viscount here, however, there's only the Knight-Commander to deal with," Juliet nodded thoughtfully, attempting to predict where Alistair was going with the conversation.

"You were having an argument about mages," she recalled with her brow furrowed downward in concern.

"Yes, well, apparently I don't feel the same way about mages as the Chantry does,"

"I don't think anybody feels the same way about mages as you do, my King," Tegan's backhanded comment didn't go unnoticed by Alistair or Juliet but the glare that came from Alistair was so fierce it managed to silence both Tegan and Juliet from speaking further on the matter.

"So we're in disagreement," Alistair returned his attention to his previous conversation with a hardened tone, "That means they get nasty. They're like that,"

"Sounds like the Circle is better off in Ferelden," Juliet pressed forward to avoid angering him again.

"You'd think that, wouldn't you? Sadly, I don't control the Circle. I can only deal with the mages outside of the Circle...of which there aren't many,"

"Pardon me but, is there a reason you called to meet with me? It's most unusual that a foreign dignitary would actively request to meet with someone as lowborn as myself if they did not have a reason,"

"Let me be frank. Ferelden and Orlais may be coming to war soon and while I am optimistic it will not happen, others...not so much. Kirkwall is on the brink of something incredibly dangerous. The world is watching this city fall apart and I hope you trust me when I say that it would wise for you to protect it,"

"Protect Kirkwall from what, exactly?"

"You ask me, the city's biggest threat just walked out the door. But more importantly, the city needs a Viscount," Alistair paused in his tracks and looked upwards to the tower where the Viscount's office sat vacant. Juliet followed his gaze, her stomach becoming unsettled at what she hoped he was not suggesting.

"My King, are you suggesting…" her voice trailed off as she unable to even imagine herself wearing the bloodied crown of the Viscount.

"I not suggesting anything!" Alistair quickly laughed, making Juliet let out an uncomfortable sigh, "All I am suggesting is that you spend the evening with me tonight. We have a camp outside of Kirkwall and I be honored to spend my last night here drinking with the Champion,"

Juliet took a step back with an astonished expression at the very thought of spending an evening alone with the King of Ferelden. Her mind reeled with all the possible outcomes and how they would seem to the people watching them conduct themselves in such a way.

"My King, I do not think that would be a very good idea. If we were to spend the evening alone together it would seem as if you were showing favoritism. And...nobody likes the king's favorite," Juliet advised.

"Well how do you suppose we fix that?"

"You should extend the same invitation to the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter. They won't accept it, I know that much. But the gesture would prevent any rumors from starting. And if you'd be so kind, would you allow me to invite some of my companions?"

"Hmm. You raise a good point about showing favoritism," Alistair looked towards the sky as if he were pondering her words instead of teasing her in his own manner, "Very well! We'll make a party of it!"

"Very good, my King," Juliet and Teagan said in unison by accident and exchanging awkward smiles but cringing on the inside.


End file.
